EntitleMENt

When you fail to accept human limitation, and when you believe your uniqueness sets you apart from the same constraints as others, you enter the arena of Tragedy.

Ways such entitlement can develop:

Some people were so damaged while growing up that they came to trust no one and to regard all rules, laws and limits as applying to others and not themselves. They are often angry and well-disguised. Clinicians define these people as sociopaths or anti-social individuals.

Some people had parents who were so obsessed with them that they met all their adult needs by focusing on their child. These children, in turn, became so obsessed with themselves that they do not realize they are having an impact on others. Clinicians term these people narcissists.

Some people were so abused that they manage their anxiety with compulsive use of alcohol, drugs, sex food or gambling. their obsession and preoccupation so distort reality that they rationalize their entitled behavior. Clinicians call them addicts

Some people grew up in families of extraordinary wealth, power and fame, which insulated them from accountability and a healthy sense of human limitation. As adults, they often feel very trepidatious about the loss of their status. At the same time, they feel that the public invades their privacy and that their heritage entitles them to do whatever is necessary to meet their needs and perserve their image.

Some people, because of great talent and hard work, rise to postions of great power, such as physciians, members of the clerty or attorneys. they may see thenmselves as having worked harder, achieved more, sacrificed more and been smarter and tougher than others. Therefore, they believe that they are more deserving.

– The Betrayal Bond by Patrick J Carnes

Dying.

I almost died today….

At least that is how it felt as I was lying in the middle of my closet in the puddle of sweat my body was perspiring.

Barely able to see and a loud buzzing sound in my ear, i came crashing down, hitting my dresser with my arm and my head against the door way. I laid there, not moving, confused and dizzy. I tried grabbing a hold of the dresses that hung above my head, but the hangers were no match for my weight as they snapped and broke, my body crashed back where i had started, knocking me first against my dresser again leaving instant bruises and severe dizziness. As I laid there completely naked and scared, I became prepared to die.

I’m 25 years old and I have never had anything like this happen to me before. Yes, I went out drinking last night and had probably one drink over what i should have but I slept it off and even had ice cream and cookies before passing out to sleep. I woke up once to pee at 6am and was perfectly fine. You can understand my amazement when I woke up once more at 730am to find myself unable to hear. As i got out of bed, a severe wave of dizziness came over my whole body and then nestled in my head causing me to try and rush to my bathroom to puke.

Was i seriously too drunk? Did i really have alcohol poisoning or was this something else?

As i reached my closet, only 5 steps from my bathroom I went down. Down on my knee, followed by my head hitting my hard wood floors.

What is going on?

The buzzing sound kicking into my ears louder and a confusion and panic not helping my state.

“I need to find a phone”…. Is all i could think of and as i got myself back off the ground for a second time, feeling around for my purse, and not seeing my phone anywhere, I fell for a third time. This time it was hard. I remember my brain acknowledging what was happening at the moment but unable to assist my body in any way, just watching myself go down and hitting against several things before finally finding the floor. Panicking I laid there for moments once i came back to. I don’t know how much time had passed before opening my eyes but i stopped. Looked around at the clothes I had pulled off hangers and drawers that had opened during my falls. I laid there because after the third fall i was prepared to die or at least go under to unconsciousness. I couldn’t find a phone anywhere and the realization that i would have to gather my strength to go outside for help because my voice was paralyzed but me in another predicament to have to get dressed.

Should I try to get dressed? Do i have enough time or will I die before?

I was surrounded by clothes but unable to find any? I’m not sure how that works exactly but it’s how I felt at the time. I lifted myself back up once more but only after laying on the floor surrendering to my body and doing the ONLY thing I could at the time.

I asked GOD for help….

“GOD, I need you right now, Please help me get dressed and get help”

Instantly I found a shirt and pants and slowly put them on. I then crawled down my stairs and opened my door. I crawled on the side-walk and 15 steps to my neighbor’s door where it was wide open

“Doug..” I tried to yell but it only came out a faint whisper

“DOUG” i tried a little louder. No one was around. I picked myself up and walked over to another neighbor who i could hear was taking a shower. I tried knocking on the door but just as i was about to give up, Doug walked back into his house from across the street. He was about to say “hello” until he saw me dripping sweat and pale. At that moment I said “Doug Help” as i reached out my hand for him to catch as i almost fell once more.

“OH MY GOD, are you Okay?”

“Doug I dont know what’s wrong with me but something is not right and I feel like Im going die”

“Are you on drugs? Did you take something?”

“No, I’m actually sober, I was an addict”

“Were you addicted to heroine?”

“No Meth, but I’m clean and last night I went out drinking and this morning I can’t stand”, “I was prescribed Anti Anxiety pills two days ago that said not to mix with Alcohol but I havent taken one in 24 hours”

As im shaking I mumble my husbands phone number who decides not to answer and as my neighbor leaves a message for him to call back with medical information, I wonder if he will even call back. The divorce we have been going through has gotten , like our marriage once was but i was holding on to a hope that he would see through his cold wall he put up to control his emotions during this time and maybe care that i was dying….

Long story short. I had a panic attack or I was having fatal side effects of my anti anxiety medication. I wont know until i see a doctor tomorrow and speak to the doctor who prescribed it. I got extremely tired after all this happened and Doug helped me back into my house and checked on me every hour as i slept. When i woke up this was the conversation i got to have with my husband who never called to ask if i was okay……

Me [2:20 PM]:

LOLOL you almost were going to have to change your profile from separated/divorced to Widower, this morning. Man, that would have been an easy divorce…lolol

333-614-7435 [2:27 PM]:

Im sorry i cannot share in your laughter on that topic. Death to me is not a laughing matter. Im sorry you are having health problems. I hope you were able to u …

333-614-7435 [2:27 PM]:

tilize the health insurance policy

333-614-7435 [2:27 PM]:

and seek appropriate medical attention

Me [2:29 PM]:

Well it wasnt a serious matter to you this morning when I started having fatal side effects of the anti anxiety medication (Buspar) i was prescribed….

Me [2:30 PM]:

I couldnt walk and was convulsing and my phone wasnt to be found and my neighbor found me on the sidewalk and the only number i know by heart was yours,

Me [2:31 PM]:

and you didnt answer. Instead you sent a text, which he gets charged for.

Me [2:33 PM]:

But yes, because of MY NEIGHBOR i am alive and recovering. I was holding on to a LOVE I thought we shared. after this morning, im prepared to die alone.

Me [2:33 PM]:

negotiations will be emailed shortly. thank you

333-614-7435 [2:34 PM]:

I am not a medical doctor. If there is an emergency you should have called 911. I will pay your neighbor back for the text message

Me [2:37 PM]:

If I am unconscious… who do you think is responsible for me tim??? YOU, MY BELOVED HUSBAND. he was not calling to get medical advice, i was barely breathing

Me [2:38 PM]:

he asked me if i was covered if we went to the emergency and all i could mumble was your phone number.

Me [2:39 PM]:

im sorry we bothered you this morning. I am over it and dont need to argue death or responsibility with my ex. I already took care of my neighbor for the text

Me [2:39 PM]:

have a good rest of the day

I thank GOD i am okay and alive after my attack but to know that i was about to die on my closet floor alone has made me emotionally and physically ready to end my marriage. Im ashamed I married such a heartless man.