>OKAY, here it is… The letter that started it all. Keep in mind the reason for this letter was because on Christmas Tim bolted out the door only after being there for 3 min because his family gave him a look of disappointment and asked why he forgot to bring a plate of peppers, which made him feel pinned against a wall, with no way out. This was the letter we sat down AND WROTE TOGETHER.
Hello Family…
Tim and I would like to thank everyone for their generosity and hospitality this Christmas year. I know it has been a rough year for a lot of people and I feel very lucky and blessed for what I have and the people I know, which brings me to the reason for this email….
We would also like to apologize for the unexpected disappearance on Christmas and I would like to take a second to make some suggestions that would prevent this from happening again… hopefully…LOL
For those who do not know, Tim was given a promotion toward the end of the year and was given about double the work load. I am very proud of Tim’s work ethic and I know hes a perfectionist and likes to give it his all at work because he likes his employees and management to trust him and respect him. Because of the effort he puts into his job, I have come to realize over the years that certain jobs or responsibilities around our home are better done by me because I have the storage room in my brain for some more responsibility….lol
When Tim and I first got married the family did start to go through me to let us know when the family was meeting and where and what time they started and what we should bring. It has only been recently that i have noticed less messages/emails get to me and are now going to Tim’s work email. Im not sure why the emails stopped coming to me and Tim says it may be because i did not answer them in a “timely” manner but from now on, If there is something you would like to know, ask or request, we ask that you do not email him at work and instead please email me at this email. If it is something that has nothing to do with us or me and u would just like to speak to him, it may be best to email him at M#%^*(@gmail.com so his boss does not feel he is taking advantage of the email at work and so that he is able to stay focused while working, Or just call him & leave a message. I hope this email does not come off sounding rude, but honestly the issue this Christmas was Tim is under a lot of stress and does not want the responsibility of remembering what food to bring or what time to be where. He is planning events all year long and I told him I would be happy to take on that responsibility in our home life. He is very sensitive to how his family “sees” him and when he forgot to bring the food, the comments and “eyes” that were given to him had him feeling like he had failed. Of coarse i explained to him that he is not a failure and that his mother would rather see him for Christmas, even if he forgot to bring peppers, then he leave but Tim’s sensitivity is something he will personally have to work on, until then it would be much appreciated if the family would go through me to ask or request things from us.
I will do a better job of answering my emails, ( I hooked my email to my phone so i know whenever i get a new one) and I will answer when i know the answer. We appreciate you guys understanding… I personally think it will only be difficult for Tim this next year while he gets settled into his new position and after that, I’m sure he will be more comfortable with his job and be able to free more of his head for home life.
Until then i know this Australia vacation is much needed time away and I’m sure he will want to share his experiences with everyone when he gets back.
Love you guys
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Instead of this letter being looked at in a positive manor and an email that would be appreciated, it was looked down on as if I was some crazy chick who wanted to hi jack his email box and starve him of his families emails and love. R u Serious though, really?
…. You really think for some reason i dont want my husband communicating with his family?
You guys really think i am jealous of you and keep him from being with you?
Well your wrong… If it weren’t for me, most of your birthdays would have been forgotten and gifts would have been last minute and by the way… who do you think it is that reminds Tim in advance he needs to be home for an occasion or that he needs to call back or email back the person that emailed or got in touch with him over a week ago. Since when did i become the bad guy here????
So heres when and where i decided i was no longer going to run around scared of their critics or thoughts. When his mother of all people ignored the letter and continued to write him at his work email.
Well, guess what… Did he answer you?? No he didnt. He ignores you most of the time and if he does write back im sure you dont get some sentimental genuine email from him.
Why did you do it?
You wanted to show me you could and that you were someone special????
Of Coarse your special, you’re his mother and he loves you but why do you act as if his wishes are not important compared to your wants?
When will you learn that he would give you more time if you did it the way he wanted?
This is when i decided i was going to step up and show them who is the woman of my household and next time something is asked of me or to me i will make sure i dont sugar coat things to make your guys feel better about yourselves because you obviously dont care about my wants. Like me wanting a husband who comes home happy instead of stressed and yells at me about how theres another birthday or event we need to go to and hes not sure when it is or what he needs to bring because the email came to his work and now we cant check it at home and he doesnt or cant remember anything about it……
Ladies of the house, please understand i DID NOT WRITE THAT LETTER Without my HUSBANDS KNOWLEDGE. as a matter of fact he proof read it and told me to send it. I dont do anything without my husband approving of it first when it comes to his family because we both understand that its better to not stir the pot around them and because Tim doesnt want to feel criticized all the time. Just so you know, HE DOES.
He doesnt feel close to you and he feels you always criticize him and when i asked him why he didnt try opening up to you guys and maybe seek advice, his exact answer was..
” my family and i are not close, I will not share my thoughts and life with L because then everyone in the family will know”.
I said what do you mean? you feel your mother is going to tell everyone your business.”?
He said “Yes”. This is sad to me, and I want you to know that this is the reason your son is not close to you. In case you didnt get it by now, you raised a VERY SENSITIVE boy who takes everything to heart and when something is done to him, even something as little as disagreeing or trying to give him a different perspective on a subject, he feels not good enough, not trusted, unloved, and criticized. That’s why he didnt tell you about proposing to me, thats why he hasnt talked to anyone about his diagnosis of severe sexual addiction and thats why even now that we are living separately, you havent heard it from him. I mean think about it. Your son is 29 years old and he has NEVER been on his own. This is actually his first place and he hasn’t invited you over….. Maybe this is something to think about. I know im coming off strong because i feel very protective of my husband now, like i need to be there with a shield and sword to protect him from negative energy but really his sister since i have met her has only tried to not think about herself on his wedding when she was very cordial and cried. She also tried once with me by inviting me to her birthday where i held her hair and button her pants and brought her water and made sure she looked proper and didn’t make a fool out of herself while she was puking in the restroom. But does this matter, NO and you know why, because i guess i forgot to invite her to my birthday party and has ignored me every since and let me know she was mad by taking herself off our facebook.????????????/ Really? are you serious?and his mother comes at me telling me her daughters issues, instead of telling her daughter to GROW THE FUCK UP. I wonder if the reason tim has such a hard time communicating is because his mother always got involved and played mediator so that Tim never had to learn effectively how to argue or express his feelings? maybe thats why his sister doesn’t know how to be happy for anyone else but herself, and maybe thats why im the scapegoat for everyone…..
But you learned didn’t you. you came too close to the fire and got burned. I told you he didnt want to be emailed at work and that he was busy but no one believes me
SPECIAL NOTE- MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT HIS MOTHER AND MORE MEMORIES SHARED WITH ME. WHAT I DESCRIBED IN HERE ABOUT HIS MOTHER WAS NOT EVEN AS FROSTING ON THE CAKE. SHE PLAYED A HUGE ROLE IN HIS SEXUAL ADDICTION AND AVOIDANCE HABIT. ILL DESCRIBE LATER
A8nt k?nO EZwA ouT! 