>My Grandmother once told me that are family is not decided by us, but chosen for us. She explained this to me as I was screaming over the phone about how frustrated I was with my mother for putting my lil sister through this dramatic situation that could have been avoided if my mother would be mature enough to seek professional help. My Grandmother reminded me that it is perfectly alright to not like, love, or respect some of your family members because unfortunately you do not chose them. I didnt understand this philosophy because as an adult you were raised your whole life to feel that blood is thicker than water and that family is there forever and blah blah blah. But as im growing and maturing I realize, If i was able to pick my family members now, as I am allowed to chose my friends, half of my family would be forgotten.
Lets be honest for second. When we chose are close friends, we really, or at least some of us, really check people out first. We listen to them, and we need them and sometimes they need us and on those terms we decide if this person is capable or if this person is even anything like us to want to tolerate them, and by tolerating them we are actually saying…. I am allowing you to fill my life with your DRAMA at times because I care and because I respect you enough to want to be there for your drama and hope you are there for mine.
I really only have a 3 people in my life i would consider to be good friends, and those people have really dealt with some of my shit and I have dealt with some of theres and i listen and put there motives together and really honestly TEST them to see if these people I want in my circle of life. I ask myself…. WHY CANT WE DO THIS WITH FAMILY. Or i should say I WISH WE COULD DO THIS WITH FAMILY.
So many of us are NOTHING like our family members and yet for some reason we are told we have to LOVE THEM and respect them. I remember posting below and talking about how i didnt feel FAMILY was your blood line, and i MEANT IT. FAMILY IS soooo much more
As an adult I would chose a mother with less baggage and drama and I would make sure she was a good role model for my lil sister and wife for my dad. As a dad I would have wanted someone that was more emotionally there for me who could see I was going the wrong way and pull my aside and talk to me about the right and wrong ways to pick up a man. My grandfather would have been someone smart enough to see I was being molested and take me away to safe place and my Uncle would have come to my wedding.
I see my husband and the pain he has for his family i wish i could explain this philosophy. See my whole life i felt not worthy in front of my step dad who constantly made me feel like i was a bad person and liar. My mother always argued with him even though it was not for me or my wants… I think she argued now to have herself be heard because i was always in trouble no matter what. Anyways my point is that i grew up feeling like i needed to prove myself to my dad and as adults if we are honest with ourselves there is always that one parent that your still trying to get your approval from. For instance, my mother does not know this or hasnt put it together yet or maybe she doesnt care but my father has always gotten bigger and better Christmas presents from me. Im talking expensive gifts…. Why do i feel i can buy his love? i dont… BUT im still seeking his approval… I see it happening and Im even blogging about it but on Fathers day i will still do it. Ill still make sure his gift is the biggest and the best.
Same goes for my husband. Because my husband knows he has my approval already he tends to treat me with less importance and try and seek his parents approval. At times this makes me jealous because i am only human but other times it makes me sad that my husband is still seeking for his unicorn, as am I.
Its not that his parents don’t approve. Im sure they think they did a fine job of showing Tim approval but they don’t understand because they are too involved in their own lives to worry about their sons. Or maybe i should be nicer and say that they are kind of too “old school” to even think that the way they decided to bring up their kids would effect them their WHOLE lives. I mean, Tim isnt the only one with issues. It says something about his sister who stayed with a man who beat her. I also see why she has gone on to always be the center of attention because if you don’t try, you dont get any….. For example my husband doesn’t try to get attention. He never has, he just sits in the sidelines and the family interprets that as, tim doesn’t want any attention. Kim, likes to get attention by either using her son, her boyfriends, or her drama or attitude, and gets a lot of attention. They figure ill give it to her because shes asking. Some families will never understand that some people feel they are a burden if they ask. Some people feel they are not worthy of extra attention. Some quietly wait on the sidelines SCREAMING in the inside for love and affection, only to be screaming their whole lives at no one but themselves.
i may continue this one or edit it later
A8nt k?nO EZwA ouT! 